Open Letter to Nike 

Re: The Names of Your Shoes are Getting Out of Hand 

Dear Nike,

It is time to stop adding words to the names of your shoes. 

It is getting ridiculous.  

An athlete I coach sent me a link to the new Alphaflys. He sent me the link not because he is interested in purchasing the shoes.  He sent me the link because the shoes are called: 

“Nike Air Zoom Alphafly Next% Flyknit Ekiden”

That is eight words.  15 Syllables.  

I like to think I have solid reading comprehension skills.  However, every time I go to your website to research or purchase a shoe, I must prepare myself mentally for a 10-minute search as I sift through dozens of new shoes with paragraph-long names. It is exhausting.  

What is worse, shoe models are often only differentiated from each other by one or two carefully hidden words.  For example, the “Nike Air Zoom Tempo Next% Flyknit” versus the “Nike ZoomX Vaporfly Next%.”  And sometimes these words are compound words where the first word of the compound word is the same as the first part of other similar but different compound words used to identify completely different shoes (e.g., Vaporfly vs Vapormax).  

I understand that Nike invests a lot into research and development and wants to let the world know all the incredible proprietary technology in its shoes.  However, I promise you, nobody is impressed when you include the material/technology of every part of the shoe in the name of the shoe. Seven of us care or even know what you’re talking about . The other 700 million of us are just confused when you add silly words to each shoe generation to clarify the generation.   

Consider the Apple iPhone—a piece of technology many times more complicated than a pair of shoes. We are on the 13th generation of the iPhone, I believe. What does Apple call the latest iPhone?  Certainly, something like Apple Mac IOS Dual Lens Gorilla Glass Steve Jobs Ft. Steve Prefontaine Edition Home Key Aluminum35% More Joe Rogan Recycled Plastic Kipchoge?  

No.  The latest iPhone is called…drum roll…iPhone 13. 

Whaaaaaaat???  Mind blown. 

It has been a tough few years and we are all tired. For the next generation of the Alphafly, I beseech you to simplify the name.  Nike Alphafly 4, for example, would do marvelously.

Sincerely,
Conrad Goeringer
Working Triathlete
But really, everyone